Title: The Princess of O.Z.
Author: T'PeeJ
Rated: PG
Summary: These are four short stories that fit no rhyme or reason, except they popped into my head and I didn't know what to do with them.
Characters: DG, Cain, Raw, Glitch and Az
Much thanks to erinm_4600 for betaing this for me. I hope I just didn't bully her into it.



Sub title "How's it hanging"
DG walked down the hall with Glitch, Raw and her sister, Az. Cain had left the palace several weeks before, on a project for the queen, so the other four trying to get by without the Tin Man.

“So, I've figured out,” said DG. “-that there are things that are okay to say as a princess. And when to say them and when not to.”

“Like what?” asked Az.

“‘How's it hangin’?” said DG, smiling at the other three.

“There is nothing wrong with that, DG,” said Glitch.

“Well, if you’re at your tailor, no,” said DG. “‘How are the pants hangin’, back there?’”

The three nodded.

“Or if Raw is getting his hair cut,” she continued. “‘Hair hangin’ long?’”

Well, that made sense to the others.

“Now, when I was on the other side, I could say it, too. Pops and I are at the state fair and he’s looking at a bull he’s thinking of buying. I ask him: ‘How’s he hangin’?’ Not rude on a farm. But, if I were to say to one of the suitors that have come to visit me: 'You look good; nice teeth, hair, but what I really need to ask is: How are you hung?’”

The other three just about lost it, laughing themselves silly.
~~

Sub title "Pedigree"
Az and DG sat at a table on the balcony, having some tea.

“I swear, Az,” said DG. “If I hear Mother go on about the suitor’s pedigree, I will go crazy.”

“Pedigree is important to a marriage here in the OZ, Deeg,” said Az.

“Do you know why pedigree isn't important on the other side?” asked DG.

“Why?” asked Az as she took sip of her tea.

“Because it’s only used for dogs and horses. If you think I'm going to marry Rin Tin Tin or Seattle Slew, Mother is crazy!”

Looking over her tea cup, Az asked: “Who is Rin Tin Tin and Seattle Slew?”

“Rin Tin Tin was a movie star dog and Seattle Slew was a race horse that won the Triple Crown. Don't know about you, but marrying them wouldn't be much fun.”

Az laughed at DG.

“I'm going to start barking or whinny at Mother. She didn't marry pedigree, but I have to? I don't get it.”

“Well, it was all right for her to marry someone below her, but it isn't for us,” said Az.

“Yeah, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander!” said DG.

AZ looked at her sister. “What does that mean?”

“What’s good for her is good enough for me.” DG stopped talking. “Do you think Mother would have a heart attack if I told her that I’m marrying Raw?”
~~

Sub title "The Library and the bad man?"

Az sat in the library. Since she was free of the witch, she worked very hard to reclaim her life. Everything was being pushed toward DG and, to Az's relief, the pressure was off her. She didn't think the people of OZ would want her as Queen; they would see the witch instead of the person who was freed.

Now, she had time to be her. If she ever could find her again. Getting up, Az moved over to the wall and started to go through the books. The witch never had use for any of them and did nothing with them. The room was full of spider webs and other disgusting things, but Azkadellia was looking for something to entertain herself.

These books hadn't been touched in annuals. Pulling out the first book, Az found that the maids only dusted the spines of the books; they didn't pull them and worry about the rest of the book. Blowing off the dust, the princess could read the title better. Some of the older books had nothing written on the spine.

She went around the room, looking at the books and making a list of the ones she wanted to read; so far, it was a very long list. She moved into one of the corners and noticed several books were sticking out a bit. She tried to push them back, but they didn't move. Pulling them out, she could see another book hidden in the back. Putting the other books on a table, Az pulled out the hidden book, noting that there was nothing on the book anywhere.

Opening up the book, Az found it was full of pictures. As she studied them, she realized she was looking at different sexual positions. Shutting the book quickly, the elder princess turned very red; she thought she could be as red as Cain when he was being teased by DG. She remembered all of the witch’s sexual partners, not that most of them were very willing or got anything out of it. Az never enjoyed any of it.

Turning around to make sure she was still alone - she wasn't sure who hid it here, but she didn't want to get caught with it. Her mother would have a fit if she knew that Az had touched the book. She needed to find a better hiding place though. Looking around, under tables and chairs, Az found a spot under a chair. She wrote a note, placed it in the spot where the book had been hiding and put the other books back. She hoped no one realized it was her handwriting on the note, as she really didn't want to explain it to her parents.

Several nights later, Azkadellia couldn't sleep. She got up and headed for the library to look for a book. As she opened the door, she could hear someone in the room. Slowly, she poked her head the door to find Zero tearing the shelves up looking for something. She could see her note sitting on the closest table with the book, but, still, what else could he be looking for?

Stepping around the door, Az cleared her throat. Zero turned and pulled his weapon. “What are you doing here?”

Slowly putting his gun up, Zero smiled at the Princess. She was standing there in a nightgown with a shawl wrapped around her shoulders. “Well, had I known royalty was going to catch me tonight, I would have worn my best uniform.”

“You haven’t answered my question, Zero. What are you doing here?” Az used the same voice as the witch used when she wasn't happy about something.

Zero bowed down to her. “I came to collect the sorceress' sex books. It has lists of all her lovers and things she did to the people.”

“I don't remember her keeping a book on her sexual life,” said Az. She knew everything the witch knew and it worked the other way, too.

“No, I was keeping it for her,” said Zero. “There were times when you would give up and not know what she was doing or what she was doing to your body.”

“How bad could it be?” asked Az out loud.

“Pretty bad,” said Zero. He moved over to the book that the Princess had already found. “There is a black book, about this size, still missing. You haven't seen it, have you, Princess?” Zero wetted his lips with his tongue.

This was really confusing Azkadellia; she wasn't sure she should be believe Zero about any of this. She didn't remember ever not knowing what the witch knew. Looking up at Zero, she asked: “Did she make you do anything to us?”

Zero blushed. “It's one thing to share a secret with someone when they remember it, but to know that someone else is mixed up in it without consent and any way to stop it, it's not much fun.”

“That isn't an answer,” said Azkadellia.

“Yes, it is,” said Zero. “Yes, she did.” He picked up the book. “I just want to get this stuff out of here before anyone else finds this stuff and they embarrass themselves about it with you.”

“Zero,” said Az. “Why are you doing this for me?”

“I've been in love with you for a long time, Princess,” said Zero as he bolted from the room.

Azkadellia stood there in shock. She wasn't sure how to take the news that one of the cruelest people in the OZ was in love with her.

~~


Sub title "Lunch in the Garden with DG and Cain"


Glitch was going out to the garden to meet DG and Cain for some lunch. It was one of those days in the OZ that made it a great day to be alive; Well, it was until he heard Cain growl.

“DG, don't touch that!”

Glitch’s eyes got big and he stopped where he was, not sure if he should go on or not. Those two had been playing this flirting game for so long, Glitch was surprised that one of them had gone on to the next step. He was a little taken aback that it was DG who had taken that step.

“Oh, Cain, stop whining. You've never complained before when I've touched it,” said DG with a laugh.

Glitch could hear Cain growl again.

“Like hell I haven't,” replied the former Tin Man.

“But it's so soft and I like how it feels in my hand,” commented DG.

Cain made a sound that sounded like pure joy; it even made Glitch smile. 'At least Cain is enjoying it,' thought Glitch.

Slowly, Glitch came around so he could see the two of them. Boy, was he stepping over the line, but he had to see what they were doing.

DG stood on a table with Cain's hat in her hand and Cain was walking around the table trying to get the hat from her.

“You know, I'm a Princess and I can order you to give me your hat!”

“Not my good hat!” stated Cain.

“Well then, think of something better for me have then?”

Cain stopped trying to grab the hat from her. He smiled and moved closer to her, grabbed her around the waist and plotted her on his shoulder. DG started to yell at Cain: “Put me down!”

“Give me my hat then!”

“No, it's my hat now.” She rolled it up and put in her shirt.

Cain saw where she had put the hat. Dropping her back on her feet, he demanded: “Give me the hat or I will go in after it!”

“You and who's army?” DG pushed the hat further down her shirt.

“DG.,” was all Cain said.

“Hey guys,” said Glitch before they caught him watching them. “What are you doing?”

“DG stole my hat,” said Cain with his best glare.

“I'm keeping it and there isn't a thing he can do about it!” said DG with an evil smile on her face.

Glitch smiled at them. 'Well this is going to be fun.'

“I love Mexican standoffs,” DG as she moved over to the table to have lunch.

“What is that?” asked Glitch as he moved over to the table with DG. Cain stayed where he was and just glared at them. He wasn't going to let her get away with it just because she is a Princess.

“It's when several groups face each other and they can't shoot or kill the other group without getting themselves killed,” said DG. “You see it a lot in old western movies.”

“Yeah,” said Cain as he finally walked over to the table and sat down to eat.

The Princess just smiled and handed some bread to Glitch.